WARNING: The following blog is intended for immature audiences only. Contract negotiations, 4-letter words like diet, and mild use of the drug-subculture lexicon for metaphorical purposes may all be referenced. Reader discretion is advised.
It seems that in the course of negotiating 2 contracts this year, I have lost 4 pounds. Just in time for the new year, I may have come across a potential new diet sensation: Union contract negotiating. At one point it was actually 7 pounds, but then the winter break came and I actually had dinner with my family a few times, so we’ll call it four. I could not have predicted this considering the nights when we were practically mainlining Doritos or speed-balling that 3rd can of Coke at 7:30 p.m. but there it is. I should have thought to attach that stupid, little pedometer to see if it would click away in recognition angst or ideas. Of course, I would have needed to find it. And I probably would have needed to take it out of the bubble packaging it came in, too. Regardless, it would be futile because, with this new contract-negotiating-is-more-effective-than-heroine diet I am going to get left behind if I am honest on the annual, standardized Health Partners test next open enrollment period.
Think of what this could do for the union movement if it catches on, too. Nationally it is said that union enrollment is declining, but wait until the unorganized workers of America realize that union involvement can help you lose a dress size. Move over Duchess, a new spokesperson for weight loss has emerged, and she’s hummin’ “Solidarity 4-eva.”
But wait! I have one contract left to negotiate. We are just starting to organize information for our School and Community Professionals contract. Kiss these dice Baby, because I could be rolling 7 after all.
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